Public Transportation Year in Review

Not sure why, but things just seem so much more fun when compiled into a Top 10 list at the end of the year. So, at the request of my many, er, two, followers, here's a glimpse at my life since boarding TheBus three glorious months ago.

The Top 10 Reasons I Love Riding TheBus:

10. When I catch the 40 or 62, they end their routes at Starbucks, which means I can fall asleep on the bus and not worry about missing my stop.
9. The sense of camaraderie among the riders when a reckless driver cuts off the bus. There's never any shortage of head shakes and back slaps when two dozen commuters narrowly escape certain death.
8. Generally, I'm the only non-local (read: white girl) on the bus, which means nobody ever wants to sit next to me. I almost always get a bench to myself. I mean, discrimination is wrong and awful and have we gotten nowhere since electing a black president...but it's kind of nice to have space to stretch my legs.
7. Since there's no eating or drinking on TheBus, I'm forced to throw out what's usually a calorie-laden, whip cream-topped espresso beverage before I've slurped it all. It's a good thing, really.
6. The bus driver that calls me "Sis."
5. No one ever requests a stop at the Honolulu Community Corrections Center.
4. I'm gathering a nice little collection of shiny bus passes.
3. Somehow, even in rush hour traffic, the bus always seems to make great time. And I'm spared from road rage and unnecessary honking and middle finger flipping.
2. I've learned how to pronounce loads of Hawaiian street names that I never would have been able to say. Quiz me. I dare ya.
1. When I miss a bus, I know there's always another one behind it. Except for when I miss the 4:02am bus, then another one doesn't come until 5:12am.

And a few reasons I don't love the TheBus:
3. Rain. Pouring. Sideways. Puddles. Any kind of moisture really bums me out.
2. In a recent, totally unscientific experiment I conducted, I drew the conclusion that chivalry is dead. At least among bus riders on the 19, 20, 40, 40A, 42, and 62. Why do I have to give up my seat so a sweet old Japanese lady can sit down when there are no fewer than 4 able-bodied, early twentysomething men who should have given her their seats? Sad.
1. The loud, insulting homeless people. Case in point: While riding the 19, a route that drives past the homeless shelter, to work a few weeks ago, a man boarded and sat next to me. In the 7 minutes that followed, he managed to push everyone that walked past him, insult a majority of the passengers, including me, and almost start a fight. After he told me to "Get off! Get off and button your shirt, you whore!" I did exactly as he asked (although I refused to button the top button of my polo shirt which apparently makes me a slut but probably would have cut off my airway). I exited the bus, like, 15 stops before I needed to and waited for another one to come by. I am so thankful for Katie, who tells me everyday when I leave for work, to "travel safely." Her words stuck in my mind as worst-case scenarios kept flashing in my slightly overdramatic brain. And when I told her about my run-in with the bus bully? She told me I was the anti-whore. And that I made a smart choice by getting off the bus. And I wasn't even late for work!

It's Christmas Once Again in Honolulu

Seriously, the title of the post is lyrics to my new favorite Christmas song. Sadly, it's not available for download on iTunes, otherwise I would have gifted it to all my closest friends and family. Google it, you won't be disappointed.

Sitting inside the house, I'm snuggled in a new cozy blanket that I got for Christmas from my Mama. We had a weak moment last night and opened some gifts, and I'm sure glad I opened the blanket. There's a cold front moving in, temps in the upper 70s to low 80s. With the stockings hung and the tree lit, when the blinds are closed, we can hardly tell we live in Hawaii.

We're officially a "My Two Moms" household. Garry left on his deployment so it's just me, Katie and the babies. I've been working a lot of hours leading up to the holidays, so it's been kind of stressful, but we're getting by. Most helpful has been the DVR full of cheesy holiday movies from Lifetime and Hallmark. We have sort of an unspoken rule -- record everything and give it the 30-minute treatment. Usually during the second commercial break, we decide whether to invest any more of our time in the movie, and, usually, the answer is a loud "Heck no!" But it's fun and gives us something to do with our evenings.

Stay tuned for my "Month in Public Transportation" post coming soon. It's good stuff, really.

PT Week in Review

My Week Riding Public Transportation:

Monkey Man: the driver on 40 donned a monkey mask to cheer up a sad kid on the bus. I found him quite silly and charming. The driver, not the kid.

Queen: the aforementioned 40 driver ran no fewer than 3 red lights mere days after I found him to be quite silly and charming. Wanna know what he sang as he played fast and loose with the lives of 32 Hawaiians? "We Are the Champions." No joke. Doesn't he know he's carrying precious cargo? I will no longer be riding the 40 when you're at the helm, Mr. No Longer Quite Silly And Charming.

The horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep: especially when a crazy Camry speeds through a red light and almost hits my dear 42 head-on. Fortunately, no one was hurt, as we discovered in a poll when the bus driver hollered, "Everyone a'ight?" We mumbled our yeahs while those who drew short straws and had to stand picked themselves up off the ground and dusted the dirt off their khakis and floral print button-up shirts. We banded together like survivors from Oceanic 815 (minus the smoke monster and the others and the tailies--okay, maybe not like "Lost" at all, maybe more like the passengers on that plane that landed in the Hudson) and shook our fists at the Camry, cursed his driving, and cheered our very own Chesley Sullenberger.

Odoriferous Afternoon: let's just say that Hawaiian Tropic doesn't mix so well with what I can only assume was a Spamburger. Add a dash of pungent body odor and the lingering smell of urine and that was my Friday afternoon rush hour ride home. Ick.

I know it might not seem like it, but I had a really fantastic week on PT. I look forward to more adventures on TheBus!

Life's a Beach

On Saturday, I had the day off from barista-ing and I decided to explore the island. Alone. I embarked on what we're calling my maiden "Independent Adventure." Things started off wonderfully and ended with a startling peck from a stray chicken. Seriously.

After consulting with my island contacts (ie: roomies Kate and Garry), I decided to bus it to the North Shore to spend the day at a not-so-kid-friendly beach. Waimea Bay is gorgeous, but the waves are huge and there's no shallow water for the kiddies to play in. After a near-disastrous bus transfer (apparently the driver decided not to call the upcoming stops so it was a crapshoot as to where I was) I de-bussed the 62 and boarded the 52. Over the mountains, through the pineapple fields, to the gorgeous beach I go...

I de-bussed again a few stops before my final destination because I found a gorgeous view of the mountains. And no, I have no idea who the sole paddle-boarder is.

After a short ride on a super narrow and windy road, I came upon Waimea Bay, quickly becoming my favorite Hawaii beach. The water is gorgeous, the waves provide endless hours of entertainment, and the sun is hot. Now, you must understand that beaching alone is not for amateurs. You have to pick the right spot, not next to a family with loads of kids who are going to kick sand on you. You also want to avoid really old couples who just stare at things -- the water, people, rocks, etc. You don't want them just staring at you as you discreetly try to dislodge sand from your lady parts. Although it might seem ideal to set up base camp next to a pack of good-looking twenty-something men, it's really not. All they want to talk about is who makes more money and who has the best abs. Believe me, I've made this mistake before. So, I casually laid my towel down between two vacationing couples who seemed so enamored with their lovers that they'd never notice my sand removal techniques. On one dip in the ocean, I even (almost) rubbed noses with a giant sea turtle. It swam right under me and I let out an extremely girlie yelp. I'm not proud of what I did, but it happens. And dude, those things are ginormous.

After several hours (and after exhausting all of my snacks), I rode the bus into the town of Hale'Iwa for a little lunch and some shopping. I ate a delicious Chicken Parmesan sandwich from Spaghettini and wandered through the surf shops, pondering what it might actually be like to surf. And then, a little girl walked by with an ice cream cone and I became distracted. I found Island Ice Cream, where homemade tropical flavors abound. It was a toss-up between Kona Koffee, Pineapple cheesecake, and Coconut Cream. Yeah, I went with the Coconut. In a waffle cone. With chocolate chips. And it was delectable. I took my ice cream cone and my tanned, relaxed self to the bus stop, where I devoured my cone under the shade of a palm tree.

And then I felt a peck, followed by another girlie yelp. I looked down and saw a wild (I assume) chicken pecking around my feet. Really? Really.

Stay tuned for future Independent Adventure recaps. I know, I know, they're riveting.

Food, Football, and Frolicking Giraffes

I had a fantastic start to the weekend -- I got a library card! I feel like an official Hawaii citizen now that I can check out books. Well, only two books at a time until the hold is lifted off my account after a standard waiting period of 4 weeks, but then, I'll really be a real Hawaii resident because I can rent an UNLIMITED number of books. I know, I know, it's almost too much excitement for 10:00am on a Friday.

In other awesome news, I got a job offer from Starbucks! (And for those of you who don't think this is a big deal, it's a very big deal. I've dreamt about this for years. If I wasn't so freaked out by IVs, I'd mainline espresso. I honestly can't wait to have all of my clothes smell like coffee. Seriously.) I officially start my barista-ing on Tuesday and I totally can't wait to learn how to make a grande iced caramel latte. For real. We celebrated my return to the workforce with a yummy dinner at the Dixie Grill, a southern bbq joint with some Hawaiian flair and home of the Screamin' Mai Tai, one of my all-time favorite drinks (that I didn't order, for some reason).

On Saturday, the whole family headed into Waikiki to visit the animals at the Honolulu zoo. I'm so excited to be a zoo member! I'll be able to go to the zoo whenever I want. That is, after they mail my zoo card after a standard waiting period of 4 weeks. So many exciting things happening in 4 weeks! Anyway, the zoo was nice, the elephants were huge, the tigers were playing ball, and the giraffes were horny. As we walked past their habitat, a tour guide was telling a group of tourists that they were hoping to have a baby giraffe soon, and much to his surprise, he turned around and Daddy-to-be Giraffe was putting on quite a show of foreplay on the Mommy-to-be Giraffe. The tour guide's quote, "Oh, well, that looks promising." Naturally, we giggled. But I've never seen giraffe foreplay and I couldn't keep it in. It reminds me of the time when our whole family sat down to watch TV (I think I was 8 or 9) and someone was flipping through all the channels and my dad was getting mad so he grabbed the remote and said we were watching whatever was on and the dial landed on the Discovery Channel and we had to watch elephants mating for, like, 15 minutes. To be fair, it was educational, but also quite traumatic.


Today we headed to Kaneohe to the Marine Corps base for an air show/plane festival. The weather was gorgeous and the view of the mountains and ocean was breathtaking. When I said I would love to wake up with a view of those mountains every morning, Katie suggested I find myself a Marine to marry so I could, in fact, move to the base and wake up with that view. And I concur. The planes were huge and doing all kinds of tricks (I wish I knew technical terms to describe what I saw, but I don't, so high/awesome/swirly/whirly/fast/loud will have to do). The food was pretty yummy, too. I had a delicious meatball sub, a margarita, a caramel churro, and some kettle korn. And it was all scrumptious.

Then we came home to watch some DVR'd football. Go Colts! And that cute kid Austin Collie, who appears to be Peyton Manning's new go-t0 guy. Love it! (By the way, we're not talking about Notre Dame. It's not going to happen. I just won't do it. I don't want to say anything I'll regret later.)

Later, friends!

The Wheels on the Bus...

Today was a big day. A big, big, big day. I had my second (second!) interview at Starbucks. I decided while I was out here, I'd cross barista off my bucket list. I was thinking I wanted to barista when I was retired and 72 and living in Maine, but for some reason, I got the carpe diem spirit and decided to give it a go while I'm living in Hawaii. And I really, really love coffee, so it's kind of a match made in espresso heaven. But the interview is so not important.

What is important is that I rode the bus today all by myself! Below you will find a detailed description of exactly what transpired during my first "TheBus" outing.

12:47 -- Garry drops me off at the street corner.
12:53 -- I finally cross the street, then cross another street, then cross back to get to the correct bus stop.
12:58 -- The 20 comes by. It's not the bus I want.
12:59 -- The 19 comes. Not the bus I want.
1:01 -- The 40! Woot woot! I'm reasonably confident this bus will get me where I need to go. I board it like an old pro, deposit my $2.50, and take a seat in the middle. I didn't really want to sit up front, I'm not a brown-noser, but I didn't want to sit in back, either, because it looked like a "we ride the bus all the time" clique had formed and I didn't want to intrude.
1:19 -- Chinatown! Which looked like a lot of fun and one day maybe I'll spontaneously de-bus and visit some of the shops and restaurants.
1:41 -- Arrive at destination.

(Insert interview here)

2:45 -- Minor panic sets in when I walk to the bus stop where I got off and see that there isn't a bus there that will get me back home.
2:48 -- Panic subsides when I find a huge bus depot with no less than 7 buses that will get me home. Whew.
3:10 -- Bag lady boards and, even though there are about 27 available seats, she sits right next to me and proceeded to talk enthusiastically and with maniacal hand gestures for about 6 stops until she de-buses. I kept my iPod turned on and ignored her.
3:40 -- I descend the bus stops no longer a TheBus virgin.

Overall, a pretty successful first try. Now that I've been bitten by the bus bug, I can't wait to ride again. Oahu, here I come!

And, for those of you expecting a more adventurous post, like, say, a detailed description of my first surf lesson...well, I hate to disappoint. Momma needs a job!

(I really had to fight the urge to insert Speed references here. It was hard. Really hard.)

4 Months, 2 Weeks, and 2 Days

Instead of trying to sum up "What I Did This Summer," I'm just totally going to skip over that part and act like the last 4 months never happened. Therefore, I'm going to pretend that you all know that I graduated from Belmont last month. I'm also going to pretend that you all know that I moved to Hawaii. I'll let you draw your own conclusions, but you're probably right. I'm putting off joining the real world for a year because I decided if I want to frolic around Hawaii, it's better to do it in my twenties than in a few years when I (eek!) hit 30.

I suppose the new aim of the blog will be to document my life in the Aloha state. I promise, the minute I jump on a surfboard or sip a Mai Tai, you all will be the first to know. And, since many of you have asked, yes, I will happily allow you to live vicariously through me. Just hit up the comments section and let me know what you've always wanted to do here, and I'll do my best to come through for you. After all, we only have this one life, and if you're never actually going to make it here to Hawaii, the least I can do is take a picture of myself doing something you've always wanted to do!

The Sun'll Come Out, Tomorrow!

The last few days have felt a little bit like a cross between Armageddon and The Day After Tomorrow, without hunky Bruce Willis and Dennis Quaid. And meteors and giant snowstorms. Okay, maybe it's been nothing like those movies, but still, it's been kind of surreal. I think all of us living in Middle Tennessee knew to expect some rain and thunderstorms, possibly a tornado or two, on Saturday, which is nothing we haven't seen before. But what we didn't expect was for the rain to not stop for more than 36 hours.

Luckily, I was safe in my apartment with only a tiny bit of water coming in under my front door, nothing a towel couldn't soak up. My only complaint is that I was without coffee yesterday. I certainly feel blessed to have only the tiniest problem when hundreds (likely thousands) of people lost their homes and cars and all of their belongings.

The coverage on television has been devastating to watch. Seeing my favorite mall under water is heartbreaking. Watching the Cumberland River flood into downtown Nashville and take out the Wildhorse Saloon and our favorite restaurants is unbelievable. But I'm proud to live (if only for a short while longer) in the Volunteer State. I saw an interview with a sixteen year old boy yesterday who rescued family after family in his family's small fishing boat. He was 16! Not sure if that was incredibly stupid or incredibly brave (possibly a bit of both), but his neighbors are lucky to have him around. Stories of incredible rescues and the volunteer spirit are surfacing everywhere.

Please keep the folks of Nashville in your thoughts!

Is Today The Best Day You've Ever Had?

That's what the check-out kid at Target asked me today, and it made me think. It's not the worst day I've ever had, but the best? Not by a long shot.

Reasons it's not the worst day I've ever had:

* Record-high heat wave. I love any reason to wear a skirt and flip flops.
* It's opening day!
* Every single piece of clothing I own is clean and either folded or hung up in its proper place. Except for the clothing that is currently on my person. First time ever this has happened since I lived at home, eight years ago.

Reasons it's not necessarily the best day I've ever had:

* Record-high heat wave coupled with humidity means I'm having major big hair issues.
* It's opening day and I'm already thinking, "There's always next year!" C'mon Cubbies! Seriously?!?
* Every piece of clothing I own is officially clean and hung in its proper place and I'm out of hangers. I officially have too many clothes. Must de-clutter and head to Goodwill.
* It's officially spider season again. About nineteen seconds ago I took a look at my planner to see a disgusting, hairy brown spider crawling across April 7th. Freakout ensued and said spider's guts are now embedded into my carpet and on the bottom of my left black flippy floppy. Eww.
* I tried the new dark cherry mocha at Starbucks and it tasted like NyQuil. Good news? I like NyQuil. Bad news? Don't think I like NyQuil mixed with espresso and chocolate. I'll go back to the old standard, caramel latte, on my next visit. Still glad I tried it, though.
* Poor Butler Bulldogs!
* I wandered through Target while on the phone with Katie (best part of my day, by the way) and threw everything in the cart that I needed except the one thing I really went to Target for - toilet paper. Grr...
* Did I mention it's spider season?

Coffee Girl

I'm pleased to announce that I'm officially back on the juice. I went to bed last night quite giddy about waking up Easter morn and heading out for coffee. I knew for sure I didn't want to just brew some in my dusty coffee pot, although I would like to thank my favorite nephew for the delicious Dunkin Donuts grounds he picked out for my Easter basket. Thanks little man! For some reason, the thought of leaving my apartment and heading toward Starbucks or DD sounded much more exhilirating. After much deliberation, I finally decided on DD for a large iced coffee with caramel. It was, after all, eighty-something degrees out and it seemed appropriately refreshing. Best. Coffee. Ever. And best coconut donut. Ever.

Thanks again to all of you for your support during this very trying time in my life. You'll be happy to know that since my coffee intake has increased, so has my productivity. Depressing, I know, but it's true. I'm an addict.

The Land of 10,000 Bars

This year I decided to take spring break a little late. Why should I have to conform to the standards set by Belmont? I don't want to have spring break when it's 40 and rainy. I want it when it's sunny and 75. So I decided to spend my post-spring-break spring break with some of my favorite girls in Minnesota, the land of 10,000 lakes. Lucky for me, there was a heat wave! Highlights:

Day 1:

*Things were great even before Minny when I got a cheddar dog and fries from Gold Coast dogs in Midway airport. Seriously, if you haven't tried them, do it. Purposely schedule your layovers there, you won't be disappointed.

*Happy hour and bowling league. And my first ride in the Mini.

# of drinks consumed:

2.5 = glasses of the wine of the month at the bowling alley (no joke)
2 = beers

1 = rum and Coke

Day 2:

*The outlet mall on a gorgeous, sunny day. Space Aliens for lunch. Seriously. Tess was like a kid in a candy store - this girl loves outer space and UFO's and alien conspiracies. Couple that obsession with Space Fries and she was in heaven.
*Happy hour and bar-hopping and karaoke, oh my! Who knew happy-hour hopping could be such fun? Thanks to random girl Stephanie for joining Tess and I on a pitchy, just aight version of "I Want You To Want Me." And mazel tov to Jake for his heart-wrenching rendition of Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me Now." Dude, you really brought the house down.

# of drinks consumed:

1 = Tom Collins (don't ask)

5 or 6 (possibly more) = rum and Coke

2 = Beer- Summit (yummy) and one super strong 9% alcohol Belgian (also yummy)

Day 3:

*Chipotle downtown with the girls. So yummy.

*Lesiurely saunter around Calhoun with Ann, capped off with a Phish Food milkshake from B&J.

*Grilled cheese party, Part Deux. Hats off to the grilled s'mores and grape jelly/brie combo.
# of drinks consumed:

3 or 4 (or more): glasses of wine

Day 4:

*Lunch with some of my favorite boys. Let me just say that ordering a drink before noon is a mistake. A happy mistake, though.

*Como Zoo with Lala. Highlights include that it was free and there was cotton candy to be enjoyed. Lowlights include that it was packed with spring break children and I'm apparently allergic to the sunken garden.

*Happy hour mojitos. Another walk around another beautiful lake.

*My first Sextons experience. Good band. Even better t-shirts.

*Park Tavern. 'Nuff said.

# of drinks consumed:

3 = mojitos

1 = Goose Island brewskie

1 = Leinie's HoneyWeiss

3-ish = rum and Coke

Day 5:

*Sleeping in!

*Sad farewell lunch to cap off a successful MALT WOF! (Mal, Ann, Laura and Tess Week of Fun!)

# of drinks consumed:

1 = mojito

Lessons learned:

Even flip flop lovers have bad days.

Mojitos are good.

Jamaican wings are good.

My liver needs a break from spring break.

Long Time, No Type

So, I realize it's been awhile since last I blogged. I believe this is becoming a trend and I apologize for it, but I'm not so broken up about it that I'm taking any drastic measures to fix it. To be honest, things have been very quiet around here lately and I just don't have anything interesting to say. Below, in no particular order, is a brief summary of the past few weeks:

1. I caught up on Lost and love it. No surprise there. Also not very newsworthy.
2. I bought a different brand of bacon and I don't love it.
3. Speaking of bacon, I had the best bacon cheeseburger last week at Cheddar's. This might very well have been the first burger I've had since I quit them last fall. Now that I'm back on the burger bandwagon, I do believe a trip to Five Guys is in order. Any takers?
4. Liam had his first "aunties only" slumber party last week on the eve of his first birthday party. It was pretty boring, actually, because he went to bed at 7:30. And Jamie and I got no sleep. But we discovered he likes cinnamon rolls, so I'll go ahead and say it was a success.
5. TiVo recorded Dazed and Confused for me sometime in the middle of the night last night. Pretty pumped about that.
6. There's a new dark cherry mocha at Starbucks that I'm itching to try. I really can't wait for Easter to come. I'll probably never come down from the espresso high that will likely ensue.
7. John Mayer is about to get banned from my Pandora stations. Why does Pandora think I like him? I thumbs-down every song of his that comes on.

That's it for now. I would promise to try to do better, but I don't want to instill in you all a false sense of hope.

Peace out!

Love in a Fallen City

I don't think my love for disaster movies is any secret. Strange, maybe, but it's not something I hide. This afternoon, Dante's Peak was on AMC. (By the way, when did movies released 13 years ago become classics? I just don't understand. Except for The Big Lebowski. Instant classic.) If you haven't seen Dante's Peak, let me recap for you - volcano blows in a mountain town and the mayor and the volcano expert guy must fight to save the town from the ash and the molten lava. Naturally, in the midst of the volcanic chaos, the two fall madly in love.

What's the deal? I think my skepticism of this unnatural love plot in action movies began with Speed. Actually, I think it began with The Goonies, but for the sake of argument, we'll go with Speed. After spending only a few hours with each other on a bus, Keanu sweaty and reeking of gas and Sandra Bullock in that awful dress, they can take down the big, bad Dennis Hopper and make out passionately when the subway car hurls through the end of the track at the end of the movie? I don't buy it, perhaps because of what Annie says to Jack - that relationships started under intense circumstances never last. And, why do the new love interests always find it so easy to love the other person's children? Really? After spending two days with this woman, you want to take her kids on a deep sea fishing trip in Florida, Pierce Brosnan? Yeah, maybe some time away from the volcano-ridden town will provide you with some perspective.

So now, 10, 13, 15 years later, I'd like to see if Pierce Brosnan and his special lady friend are still together. Or whether Annie and Jack could make it work. Or whether the astronomy lady and the FEMA director from some tv movie about meteors I saw a few weeks ago made it work after all the fine people of Dallas and Kansas City were safe and sound from falling rocks. Or Jake Gyllenhaal and that girl from The Day After Tomorrow. Or Tommy Lee Jones and the volcano chick from Volcano. Seriously, did they all live happily ever after?

The Great Coffee Cleanse of 2010

I know it's been awhile, friends, but I have a really wonderful excuse. I have been in rehab. Coffee rehab, that is. (Do I look like someone who goes to rehab for drugs or alcohol or exhaustion or anorexia?) I made the decision to give up coffee for Lent this year. We were always told that whatever you give up for 6 weeks should be a true sacrifice, and for me, coffee really is. Here's a recap of my first week, (almost) coffee free.

Tuesday BL (Before Lent): I drank a large cherry buster latte at Bongo Java before class and refilled with a steaming hot dark roast before heading to class. Cue one hour later, mid-discussion of The Faerie Queen, and I slurp the last sip of said dark roast. Pretty sure no one noticed the tear sliding down my cheek.

Day 1: I popped Tylenol as soon as I woke up to prevent the caffeine headache I knew would come on once my mind realized I had been awake for 17 minutes without drinking coffee. It helped and I replaced my morning mug of coffee with a mug of chocolate milk and a mug of orange juice. Well hydrated and full of vitamins. I wish coffee had vitamins, then perhaps I could justify my addiction.

Day 2: Sonic on my way to work for a $0.99 large Coke. No headache but serious crabbiness. Poor little Jack bore the brunt of my grumpiness, but I apologized profusely and smothered him with kisses and he forgave me. I think. Sometime around midnight I pulled into my favorite 24-hour Starbucks at exit 99 on I-65. I had been debating whether a Mountain Dew would cut it as I drove home to Michigan City very late at night, but I was kidding myself. I cheated and ordered a caramel latte, with an extra shot. Dude, if I'm going to cheat, I'm going to cheat big. It didn't even taste good and I was so mad to have wasted a cheat on that. But I did stay awake for the 2.5 hours up to M.C. so it was effective.

Day 3: Large Mickey D's Coke on the way to the dentist. Grouchiness subsiding a bit, but sleepiness became overwhelming. Apparently that pot of coffee every morning is what kept me going until 11:30 every night, and without it, I am so ready for bed by 7:30. Lame, I know.

Day 4: Mom shows off her brand new Starbucks barista espresso and milk steamer machine and excitedly exclaims that she can't wait to make me a caramel latte. I excitedly exclaim that she's a (insert expletive here) for not knowing that I gave up coffee for lent. Apparently the grouchiness has yet to subside.

Day 5: Mom makes another homemade caramel latte, I have another huge glass of chocolate milk.

Day 6: More chocolate milk.

Day 7: Grouchiness subsiding, headaches gone, but sleepiness is still an issue. I did discover something delicious at BJ, though, a caramel steamer. It's a latte without the espresso. It gives me something yummy and hot to drink, but unfortunately lacks the caffeine to keep me awake during a rousing class discussion about sonnets. The Crunch bar and Starbursts helped a bit. You know how when you quit smoking and you have to pick up a new habit to keep your hands from becoming idle? I've picked up a candy habit to keep my hands from thinking about coffee.

Day 8: So sleepy.

Ventis and Rice Crispie treats

I went to Starbucks this morning for breakfast, the above mentioned venti caramel latte and ginormous marshmallowy rice crispie treat, and to work on my thesis. The latest chapter has me stumped, so I went to gather intel and draw inspiration from the folks around me. Below you will find some of my observations that may or may not make the cut in the novel:

(Let me just say that I was listening to my ipod while I was in there, but paused it randomly to overhear conversations. It's the best way to eavesdrop - leave the earbuds in and the sound off)

1) 2 construction worker guys: They each ordered a chai, which I thought was hilarious. They were wearing those huge plaid winter coats, you know the ones I'm talking about, and they sat down with their chais and one guy got a donut and the other guy got a scone. They sat in silence while they ate their treats and drank their teas or whatever chai is, and then they started talking. About what, I'm not entirely sure, but there was an inappropriate comment about the barista behind the counter, followed by some discussion of the NFL combine and then I lost interest and turned the music back on.

2) An incredibly overwhelming woman and her co-worker? lover? nephew? pool boy?: She came up to me while I actually had music playing and started talking wildly with her hands. I felt like one of those people in the movies or on tv who always try to ward off the annoying person next to them on an airplane by pointing at my ears and mouthing "I can't hear you." But, alas, I'm nicer than that and pulled my earbuds out. She complimented my very cute green Dell and told me that the keyboard looks a lot like an HP she once had. Umm, thank you? Is that a compliment? Was that really worth me missing the second verse of "Hello Sunshine" by Super Furry Animals? No.

3) Foreign dude: Actually, I'm not entirely sure he's foreign, but he's not from around here, so I'm calling him foreign. Anyway, he had really greasy, slicked-back, over-gelled black hair and he ordered something I've never heard of. Then, he sat in the corner at a table for 4, all alone, just staring out at the rest of us in there. He didn't even pretend to be reading something or playing on his phone. He didn't look outside the window, he just gazed around the room, taking in the ambiance at the Starbucks. It was a little weird and I've been watching a lot of NCIS lately so naturally I assumed he's an arms dealer or a Russian mobster and I packed up my things to go before something crazy went down.

Overall, a successful venture to Starbucks. I'll be back tomorrow, probably, to work some more, and hopefully creepy quasi-foreign man isn't there.

Maintenance Men

Being a homeowner has certain advantages, such as being able to do with your home as you please. Being a renter also has its advantages, namely, the maintenance men are on call 24/7 to fix things that break. However, a minus in the rental category is the fact they come around every so often to do required checks. Thankfully, they leave a note on the door the day before the intended check for folks to secure their animals and clean and perhaps hide things that shouldn't be displayed out in the open. I somehow missed the memo (and by missed, I mean I didn't actually leave my apartment yesterday except to get coffee in the morning, so they likely left it in on the door in the afternoon and I just never saw it because I'm a hermit) and didn't see it until I was running (RUNNING!) out the door to get to work this morning. I woke up late and didn't have time to make coffee and I had to scrape the ice off my windows so I was very grouchy and didn't care about the maintenance guys coming in.

I didn't care about the maintenance men coming in until I got home and turned on some lights and realized what they had seen. Now, this may come as a shock to one of you, but I am not the cleanest person around. In fact, I'm probably in the 22nd percentile of cleanliness. Only hoarders and college-aged boys are below me on that scale. The poor maintenance men had to step over a bag of trash that I had yet to take to the dumpster in order to get to the laundry room and change the air filter. In said laundry room, they found dirty clothes piled on top of a sack of potatoes. Then, they had to step over a sweatshirt and dirty socks in the middle of my living room floor in order to get upstairs, but not before they ever so kindly replaced my smoke alarm that had been dangling precariously by a few wires for months. Once upstairs, they probably threw up in their mouths a little bit when they saw my bedroom, which is in the middle of a huge feng-shui project. In the midst of said feng-shui project, I decided to change my sheets but I hadn't put clean ones on yet (which is not a tragedy, I've been falling asleep on my couch downstairs where it's very comfy and not so hot). So, sheetless bed, furniture all out of sorts, laundry baskets overflowing with ambiguous clothing (is it clean or not? I don't know, what's it matter?) and then they apparently felt compelled to check my bathroom.

Let me say that I have never been prouder of a random urge to clean than I am right now. Last weekend, I was in a very dark, grouchy place and sought refuge with a toothbrush and scrubbing bubbles in the shower. I used my fingernails and toothbrush and scrubbed the grout in between every tile in my shower - something I haven't done since moving in way too many months ago. So, on the upside, I was pretty freaking proud of myself for having a clean bathroom. Except that I had a huge pile of dirty clothes on the floor that hadn't made it to the laundry room yet, so the maintenance men had to step over said pile of dirty clothes to fix the leak and re-grout my tub, something I am very thankful for. And, if the maintenance men had been curious, that discovered that, yes, indeed I do wear Christmas underwear in February. What of it?

I felt no small amount of embarrassment when I came home last night and saw the note they left on my kitchen table informing me of the routine work they had completed in my apartment. Nevertheless, I felt compelled to apologize to the poor men who had to bear witness to my messy place. If I were them, I would have called the police and reported me missing. It seriously looks like I have been robbed and kidnapped. So, you must be wondering, Mal, did you clean your apartment today so something like this doesn't happen again? And, yes, while I considered the possibility that this could, someday, happen again, I realized it won't happen for three more months when they come to change the filter again, so I think I'm good until May.

TiVo's latest mistake

My TiVo and I generally have a pretty good relationship. Sure, it randomly deletes shows I haven't specifically tagged "save until I delete" to record the CBS Evening News, but its mistakes are minimal compared to its overall model behavior. After all, it apparently knows I love Joshua Jackson and has recorded every rerun of Dawson's Creek that has been on and all the Mighty Ducks movies. How can I ever be angry at something that knows the loveliness of JJ? And, it worked overtime to record every possible 25 Days of Christmas movie on ABC Family in December and the Make it or Break it marathon a couple of weeks ago. It deserves major kudos.

But hold your applause, folks. It recorded iCarly and Hannah Montana for me this week. WTF, TiVo? Have I ever thumbs-upped these shows? Have I ever expressed any interest in Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel? Yeah, I think not. However, it did get me to thinking about when I was a kid and ran out of books to read and the only thing left to do was watch Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel.

Remember Stick Stickly and his giant wheel of tv shows during the summer? I loved when there were 3 episodes of Salute Your Shorts in a row. I seriously loved that show. LOVED IT! Whatever happened to Donkey Lips? Anyone know? (I do remember his doppelganger was a classmate of mine at Drake, who often sat next to annoying question boy...)

And Hey Dude! Loved it! LOVED IT! I really wanted to learn how to ride after watching that show. And I'm pretty sure the reason I wanted to be a lifeguard was because of Melody. Anyone know whatever happened to Brad and Danny?

Karma Police

I heard this Radiohead song on the radio last night as I was driving home from class. I rarely listen to the radio anymore because it mostly sucks, but I couldn't find my iPod and tuned to Lightning 100, my fave Nashville station that plays local bands and Jack Johnson and Bob Dylan and Snow Patrol. So fun! Anyway, I heard Karma Police, which I'm pretty sure came out like 15 years ago and I probably haven't heard it in 10 years. I forgot how much I love it and it got me thinking...

1) I think Radiohead was on to something - there should be karma police officers. I know that true believers/practicers of this believe there is a higher power who governs over the good and bad deeds of its followers. I think deep down, I believe this, too. You know, good things happen to those who wait and all that. What I am proposing, however, is some kind of government agency that speeds along the karmic process. You know, like how Santa has elves helping him make all the toys and he sends special elves to the malls to hear little kids' wishes. I'm just thinking that the karma gods should have officers of the law down here on earth to enforce the rules. I don't have all the logistics figured out just yet, it's still in an embryonic stage, but I think this has the potential to be huge. HUGE!

2) I remember an episode of Road Rules in which they played this song. It was way before they started voting people off and it got all nasty and incestuous. I think it was the season with Dan and Noah and Tara and Jon and one other girl whose name I can't remember. That was my favorite season, for sure. I wish they still had the good old fashioned RR and not these disgusting challenges. It used to be a show about diverse people coming together to bond for a couple of months in an RV and partaking in challenges that forced them to overcome their worst fears. There was some hooking up - not a ton, but I do remember Dan and Tara (I think) hooking up this season. Now it's just about catfighting and making money and bitch-slapping and trash-talking. Grr...

3) Also, whatever happened to Radiohead?

Me + Mother Nature = Bad Romance

It snowed here in Nashville yesterday and although we didn't exactly get the 6-10 inches the ever reliable weather.com predicted, there was plenty of the fluffy white stuff for sledding and ball-making. Now, I would like to make one thing clear, I don't hate snow. But it does have a time and a place and Nashville in late January is not it. I ventured out today for breakfast with a friend and it was quite the adventure. I consider myself a capable snowy weather driver and generally believe that my Civic can do anything she puts her mind to. However, I learned today that although I may be capable, 98% of people who live in Tennessee are not. It's not their fault, though, because apparently there's no such thing as a shovel or plow or salt here, and people don't know proper snowy driving etiquette (like don't come to a complete stop on the snow - ever). After a delicious Pancake Pantry breakfast, I'm home, safe and sound, with my snowed-in supplies - a case of Coke and plenty of Dunkin Donuts Cinnamon Spice coffee grounds. I want for nothing. Except maybe a hill on which to slide down. And for the maintenance people to splurge on a shovel.




My lone footprints on the sidewalk.

To Be Continued posts...continued

1) Since I know you're all very curious, I would like to inform you that I haven't seen my new furry friend since the initial sighting (hallucination?) the other night. I suppose we'll chalk this one up to sleep deprivation.

2) The 25th and final spot on my "How to Better Your Mood in 25 Songs or Less" remains vacant, yet the playlist fulfilled its lifelong purpose today. I wouldn't say I was in a bad mood, but grey and lackluster seem appropriate here. I jumped in the shower and cranked the playlist. My normally short shower (generally a song and a half) lasted eleven songs. Eleven! By Grace Kelly I had grabbed the purple Aussie Sleek and Straight conditioner bottle to belt into. Sometime before Spoon I traded it in for my Aveda shampoo bottle, more microphone shaped and easier to hold. Then, sometime between the Dandy Warhols and Usher my fingers started to prune and I was worried my neighbors would report me for being too loud. Alas, I exited the shower in an immeasurably happy mood. It works, I swear.

3) I would like to dedicate this update to my oldest and dearest friend, Katie. I know being a mother of two is going to be amazing but incredibly challenging and the least I can do (since I haven't sent little Ben a "welcome to this world" package yet) is update my blog so that when you begin Internetting again, you have something fun to read. Hugs and kisses!

Catching Up on Correspondence

Dear Mother Nature,

I know it's been a while since last we spoke, but I have a few things I'd like to discuss with you. First off, I would like to sincerely thank you for multiple 60+ degree days last week. I didn't even complain when it was cloudy and rainy and I couldn't actually enjoy the 62 degree heat. Secondly, I would like to take this opportunity to discuss my frustrations with you about that severe weather you gave us yesterday during the Colts game (Go Peyton!). Although the weather man promised they wouldn't interrupt the game to pinpoint where exactly the tornadoes were touching down, he did. I missed at least 2 plays, and that tornado was at least 15 miles away. Next time you plan on dropping twisters in the middle Tennessee viewing area, don't do it during a playoff game, the Superbowl, Ellen or The Office. And finally, I would like to address the the 30 degree temperature drop and the raging blizzard this afternoon. Was that really necessary? Yeah, I thought not.

Next time we speak, I do hope it's under better circumstances.

Kind regards,
Mal

My New Roommate

So, last night I was on my couch, reading some Sense and Sensibility and watching Jimmy Fallon write his thank-you notes, when I swear I saw something scurry across my kitchen floor. Now, it was after midnight and I was tired, so I ignored it. But then I swear, not two minutes later, I saw it scurry back. Naturally, I stood up on my couch, thinking that whatever this thing is couldn't possibly get to me if I was standing on the couch. I ran over the list of possibilities - mouse, my buddy Stanley the Slug, a giant spider, a dust ball - and realized I was a big chicken. I contemplated creating a barrier between my living room and kitchen so that whatever it was wouldn't be able to get me while I sleep. I thought about not going to sleep at all. I thought about calling Brother to come find it and deal with it, because he owes me big time. I thought about sleeping in my car, about moving. I finally went to bed at 3, with my ipod playing loudly and two fans whirring so I wouldn't hear any noises.

This morning (well, I didn't wake up until almost one, so technically it should be this afternoon) when I got up, I tiptoed into the kitchen and nothing looked out of sorts. Perhaps I am just paranoid and it was nothing but a shadow. Or, maybe it was a little mouse and I'll keep him as a pet and name him Fievel (what a cute little Mousekewitz he was). I'll keep you all posted...

iHeart playlists

It shouldn't be news to anyone that I'm not rich. Unfortunately, one of the downfalls to lacking funds is that certain things must be eliminated from one's budget. While some might call iTunes downloads frivolous, I call them a necessary element of my existence. I spend the majority of my free time reading or doing homework and background music is essential to providing the perfect atmosphere for my studies.

Lately, though, my iTunes library is looking a little anorexic. It's depressing, really, because my iPod and I were not on speaking terms for about two months, but we finally resolved our differences last week and now it's ready to download music again. The sad news is that I have no new music to download onto it. With my addiction to playlists not waning anytime soon, I am forced to take drastic measures.

I am recycling music. (No, I'm not illegally pirating music off Napster. How dare you think that - I'm not one to break laws. Except jaywalking, which I think is ridiculous. That is, until I get run over.)

I encourage you all to do what has become one of my new hobbies - recycling. I'm scouring all of my old albums, ones that didn't get the attention they likely deserved (yes, I'm talking to you Keane and Under the Iron Sea and Augustana and Can't Love, Can't Hurt) and making new playlists. It's quite fun and rather addicting. By adding three or four new songs to a bevy of old ones, I can compile a playlist suitable for any occasion. Seriously. I'm currently working on a new study mix and would be happy to share it with you when it has achieved perfection.

For now, I'll leave you with my recent successful playlist, How to Better Your Mood in 25 Songs or Less (it currently only has 24 songs because I can't quite narrow down that final song). It's perfection. Every single song on it makes me (and Boobie) smile. It's the only thing that got us through crazy two-days before Christmas shopping mall parking lots. If you need suggestions on what to add to your lists, lemme know. I would love to help. And by help, I mean I would love to avoid homework by doing pointless, menial tasks. Please, help me procrastinate.

1. Citizen Cope: Son's Gonna Rise
2. Taylor Swift: Picture to Burn (a classic off her 1st album)
3. Phantom Planet: California (Ahh, I miss the O.C.)
4. OneRepublic: All the Right Moves
5. Fall Out Boy: Sugar We're Going Down (love it mostly because I am reminded of the weird-ass video)
6. MIKA: Grace Kelly (if you haven't heard it, download it. It's awesome.)
7. Spoon: The Way We Get By
8. Sara Bareilles: Love Song (every good playlist needs a girl anthem)
9. Josh Kelley: Opposite of Me (every good playlist needs some JK)
10. The Dandy Warhols: We Used to Be Friends (because it's fun)
11. Usher: Yeah! (every good playlist needs some Usher and a song that you know almost every non-rapped word to)
12. Gavin DeGraw: In Love With a Girl (every good playlist needs some Gav)
13. Ashlee Simpson: Pieces of Me (a guilty pleasure and I'm not embarrassed to admit it)
14. All American Rejects: Dirty Little Secret (because we all have one...or twenty-seven)
15. Death Cab: The Sound of Settling (a fun littly ditty)
16. Carrie Underwood: Cowboy Casanova (because Tony Romo is a d-bag)
17. Fall Out Boy: Thnks fr Th Mmrs
18. NSYNC: It's Gonna Be Me (perfect for singing along and reminds me of my youth)
19. Mandy Moore: One Way or Another (decent cover, but highly recommend the original, too)
20. Jet: Are You Gonna Be My Girl
21. Gavin DeGraw: I Don't Want to Be
22. Bowling for Soup: Ohio-Come Back to Texas (because the Bush twins want you back)
23. Kings of Leon: Use Somebody (every good playlist needs a tune to rock out to)
24. The Killers: Mr. Brightside (another good tune to rock out to)
25. Currently taking suggestions for the final available slot.

My Pleasure

I've been on a cooking streak lately, so I haven't frequented my local Chick-Fil-A in some time. However, I was out running errands all day and decided I'd treat myself to a number one with no pickle and a Coke. The young man taking my order assured me it would be his pleasure to serve me at the window. And a pleasure it was.

I went about 2:00, so I am certain the drive-thru guy wasn't in high school, or maybe he is and is in that work-release program that lets students leave school early to work. Anyway, he was young and had an incredibly cute Southern drawl, which I run into quite often living in Tennessee, but for some reason, the accent and the dimples and the extra barbeque sauce packet made my heart go all aflutter.

I realize I'm too old to think 18-year-olds are cute. I'm also probably too old to think anyone under the age of 21 is cute, which causes a bit of a problem because I have a not-so-secret crush on Jacob from Twilight (which I blame on Boobie for forcing those movies on me over Christmas break) who may or may not be old enough to drive.

My point here is that I'm concerned, in my old age, that I'm turning into a cougar. I think I'm going to have to start hitting the IHOP around 4:00 to find men who are more age-appropriate for me.

The Notebook

(not the movie "The Notebook," although it was just on Oxygen and I happened to catch a few minutes of it and it still always makes me cry. And, I saw a preview yesterday when I went to see "Sherlock Holmes" for "Dear John," which is another Nicholas Sparks movie that seems all weepy and epic. I'll probably have to go see it with Diddy because she'll want to see it and Brother will absolutely not want to see it. Did I mention Jude Law was a stud as Dr. Watson? I digress...)

So, my thesis advisor advised me to get a notebook to carry along with me at all times in case inspiration strikes. I take her advice quite seriously and so I began the hunt for a perfect notebook. I don't want just any old notebook - if I have to carry it around everywhere I go, I want it to be chic and stylish.

Needless to say, I tossed aside yellow, black and red Five Star notebooks, even though I already owned them and they were completely blank. I suppose I could have embellished them with stickers or a Bedazzler (if I had a Bedazzler), but that seemed like a lot of work. A lot more work than scouring the aisles at Target and Hallmark and World Market and Barnes and Noble for the perfect notebook. Target could offer cheap ones; of particular interest to me were "The Office" themed ones that featured Dwight and the rest of the clan, but I didn't really want to carry Dwight's mis-shapen head around with me everywhere. World Market's weren't big enough.

Finally, yesterday, I settled on a ridiculously expensive notebook at B&N. I justified it by saying I'm a B&N member, so it was 10% off, but still, it was way too expensive. (And don't ask, because I'm not going to tell you.) What I will say, though, is that it's a beautifully modern blue and green floral pattern and I am so excited to drop it in my purse (except I bet it won't fit, my purse is kinda small and the notebook is kinda big). Our first excursion? To the post office we go!

I'm sorry, what was that you said? I should stop the Glamour Shots photo shoot and just write in the notebook already? Yeah, I thought so. Fine, but just for the record, this was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make concerning my thesis so far. You have no idea what kind of pressure I'm under. Seriously.

New Year, New Blogging

(let's just say margaritas were involved)





I'm slowly recovering from the end of the fall semester and therefore have been slow to update the blog. Fortunately, now that environmental writing has passed (and I too passed!!), I can write about things other than nature. Not that I didn't love writing about nature, it's just that I love writing about other stuff more. Here's what I've been up to since last I blogged:

Christmas:

It was cold, snowy, there were presents and breakfast casseroles and jugs of wine and fierce Scrabble matches. There was Jude Law in "The Holiday" and "Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra" in "The Christmas Story." There were tears and margaritas and laughter and snow and shoveling and tiramisu trifles.

Lili and Grammy Graham Cracker snuggling after opening his gifts on Christmas morning.


"I wasn't supposed to put meat in the trifle!" (one of my fave Friends episodes of all-time!)

Ruben, mom's new husband, didn't understand that we don't get dressed on Christmas. He came out to open presents dressed up. Luckily, Jamie bought him perfect Christmas day pajamas and after a quick change, he blended right in with his new family.

WOF-ing with Tess and Laura:

In a tradition that has all but fallen by the wayside, Tess, Laura and myself week-of-funned the crap out of the week after Christmas. In fact, so much fun was had that it took Laura an entire day to recover. I'm still not sure she remembers the Yacht Rock party and why she bought the sailor's hat.