Love in a Fallen City

I don't think my love for disaster movies is any secret. Strange, maybe, but it's not something I hide. This afternoon, Dante's Peak was on AMC. (By the way, when did movies released 13 years ago become classics? I just don't understand. Except for The Big Lebowski. Instant classic.) If you haven't seen Dante's Peak, let me recap for you - volcano blows in a mountain town and the mayor and the volcano expert guy must fight to save the town from the ash and the molten lava. Naturally, in the midst of the volcanic chaos, the two fall madly in love.

What's the deal? I think my skepticism of this unnatural love plot in action movies began with Speed. Actually, I think it began with The Goonies, but for the sake of argument, we'll go with Speed. After spending only a few hours with each other on a bus, Keanu sweaty and reeking of gas and Sandra Bullock in that awful dress, they can take down the big, bad Dennis Hopper and make out passionately when the subway car hurls through the end of the track at the end of the movie? I don't buy it, perhaps because of what Annie says to Jack - that relationships started under intense circumstances never last. And, why do the new love interests always find it so easy to love the other person's children? Really? After spending two days with this woman, you want to take her kids on a deep sea fishing trip in Florida, Pierce Brosnan? Yeah, maybe some time away from the volcano-ridden town will provide you with some perspective.

So now, 10, 13, 15 years later, I'd like to see if Pierce Brosnan and his special lady friend are still together. Or whether Annie and Jack could make it work. Or whether the astronomy lady and the FEMA director from some tv movie about meteors I saw a few weeks ago made it work after all the fine people of Dallas and Kansas City were safe and sound from falling rocks. Or Jake Gyllenhaal and that girl from The Day After Tomorrow. Or Tommy Lee Jones and the volcano chick from Volcano. Seriously, did they all live happily ever after?

The Great Coffee Cleanse of 2010

I know it's been awhile, friends, but I have a really wonderful excuse. I have been in rehab. Coffee rehab, that is. (Do I look like someone who goes to rehab for drugs or alcohol or exhaustion or anorexia?) I made the decision to give up coffee for Lent this year. We were always told that whatever you give up for 6 weeks should be a true sacrifice, and for me, coffee really is. Here's a recap of my first week, (almost) coffee free.

Tuesday BL (Before Lent): I drank a large cherry buster latte at Bongo Java before class and refilled with a steaming hot dark roast before heading to class. Cue one hour later, mid-discussion of The Faerie Queen, and I slurp the last sip of said dark roast. Pretty sure no one noticed the tear sliding down my cheek.

Day 1: I popped Tylenol as soon as I woke up to prevent the caffeine headache I knew would come on once my mind realized I had been awake for 17 minutes without drinking coffee. It helped and I replaced my morning mug of coffee with a mug of chocolate milk and a mug of orange juice. Well hydrated and full of vitamins. I wish coffee had vitamins, then perhaps I could justify my addiction.

Day 2: Sonic on my way to work for a $0.99 large Coke. No headache but serious crabbiness. Poor little Jack bore the brunt of my grumpiness, but I apologized profusely and smothered him with kisses and he forgave me. I think. Sometime around midnight I pulled into my favorite 24-hour Starbucks at exit 99 on I-65. I had been debating whether a Mountain Dew would cut it as I drove home to Michigan City very late at night, but I was kidding myself. I cheated and ordered a caramel latte, with an extra shot. Dude, if I'm going to cheat, I'm going to cheat big. It didn't even taste good and I was so mad to have wasted a cheat on that. But I did stay awake for the 2.5 hours up to M.C. so it was effective.

Day 3: Large Mickey D's Coke on the way to the dentist. Grouchiness subsiding a bit, but sleepiness became overwhelming. Apparently that pot of coffee every morning is what kept me going until 11:30 every night, and without it, I am so ready for bed by 7:30. Lame, I know.

Day 4: Mom shows off her brand new Starbucks barista espresso and milk steamer machine and excitedly exclaims that she can't wait to make me a caramel latte. I excitedly exclaim that she's a (insert expletive here) for not knowing that I gave up coffee for lent. Apparently the grouchiness has yet to subside.

Day 5: Mom makes another homemade caramel latte, I have another huge glass of chocolate milk.

Day 6: More chocolate milk.

Day 7: Grouchiness subsiding, headaches gone, but sleepiness is still an issue. I did discover something delicious at BJ, though, a caramel steamer. It's a latte without the espresso. It gives me something yummy and hot to drink, but unfortunately lacks the caffeine to keep me awake during a rousing class discussion about sonnets. The Crunch bar and Starbursts helped a bit. You know how when you quit smoking and you have to pick up a new habit to keep your hands from becoming idle? I've picked up a candy habit to keep my hands from thinking about coffee.

Day 8: So sleepy.

Ventis and Rice Crispie treats

I went to Starbucks this morning for breakfast, the above mentioned venti caramel latte and ginormous marshmallowy rice crispie treat, and to work on my thesis. The latest chapter has me stumped, so I went to gather intel and draw inspiration from the folks around me. Below you will find some of my observations that may or may not make the cut in the novel:

(Let me just say that I was listening to my ipod while I was in there, but paused it randomly to overhear conversations. It's the best way to eavesdrop - leave the earbuds in and the sound off)

1) 2 construction worker guys: They each ordered a chai, which I thought was hilarious. They were wearing those huge plaid winter coats, you know the ones I'm talking about, and they sat down with their chais and one guy got a donut and the other guy got a scone. They sat in silence while they ate their treats and drank their teas or whatever chai is, and then they started talking. About what, I'm not entirely sure, but there was an inappropriate comment about the barista behind the counter, followed by some discussion of the NFL combine and then I lost interest and turned the music back on.

2) An incredibly overwhelming woman and her co-worker? lover? nephew? pool boy?: She came up to me while I actually had music playing and started talking wildly with her hands. I felt like one of those people in the movies or on tv who always try to ward off the annoying person next to them on an airplane by pointing at my ears and mouthing "I can't hear you." But, alas, I'm nicer than that and pulled my earbuds out. She complimented my very cute green Dell and told me that the keyboard looks a lot like an HP she once had. Umm, thank you? Is that a compliment? Was that really worth me missing the second verse of "Hello Sunshine" by Super Furry Animals? No.

3) Foreign dude: Actually, I'm not entirely sure he's foreign, but he's not from around here, so I'm calling him foreign. Anyway, he had really greasy, slicked-back, over-gelled black hair and he ordered something I've never heard of. Then, he sat in the corner at a table for 4, all alone, just staring out at the rest of us in there. He didn't even pretend to be reading something or playing on his phone. He didn't look outside the window, he just gazed around the room, taking in the ambiance at the Starbucks. It was a little weird and I've been watching a lot of NCIS lately so naturally I assumed he's an arms dealer or a Russian mobster and I packed up my things to go before something crazy went down.

Overall, a successful venture to Starbucks. I'll be back tomorrow, probably, to work some more, and hopefully creepy quasi-foreign man isn't there.

Maintenance Men

Being a homeowner has certain advantages, such as being able to do with your home as you please. Being a renter also has its advantages, namely, the maintenance men are on call 24/7 to fix things that break. However, a minus in the rental category is the fact they come around every so often to do required checks. Thankfully, they leave a note on the door the day before the intended check for folks to secure their animals and clean and perhaps hide things that shouldn't be displayed out in the open. I somehow missed the memo (and by missed, I mean I didn't actually leave my apartment yesterday except to get coffee in the morning, so they likely left it in on the door in the afternoon and I just never saw it because I'm a hermit) and didn't see it until I was running (RUNNING!) out the door to get to work this morning. I woke up late and didn't have time to make coffee and I had to scrape the ice off my windows so I was very grouchy and didn't care about the maintenance guys coming in.

I didn't care about the maintenance men coming in until I got home and turned on some lights and realized what they had seen. Now, this may come as a shock to one of you, but I am not the cleanest person around. In fact, I'm probably in the 22nd percentile of cleanliness. Only hoarders and college-aged boys are below me on that scale. The poor maintenance men had to step over a bag of trash that I had yet to take to the dumpster in order to get to the laundry room and change the air filter. In said laundry room, they found dirty clothes piled on top of a sack of potatoes. Then, they had to step over a sweatshirt and dirty socks in the middle of my living room floor in order to get upstairs, but not before they ever so kindly replaced my smoke alarm that had been dangling precariously by a few wires for months. Once upstairs, they probably threw up in their mouths a little bit when they saw my bedroom, which is in the middle of a huge feng-shui project. In the midst of said feng-shui project, I decided to change my sheets but I hadn't put clean ones on yet (which is not a tragedy, I've been falling asleep on my couch downstairs where it's very comfy and not so hot). So, sheetless bed, furniture all out of sorts, laundry baskets overflowing with ambiguous clothing (is it clean or not? I don't know, what's it matter?) and then they apparently felt compelled to check my bathroom.

Let me say that I have never been prouder of a random urge to clean than I am right now. Last weekend, I was in a very dark, grouchy place and sought refuge with a toothbrush and scrubbing bubbles in the shower. I used my fingernails and toothbrush and scrubbed the grout in between every tile in my shower - something I haven't done since moving in way too many months ago. So, on the upside, I was pretty freaking proud of myself for having a clean bathroom. Except that I had a huge pile of dirty clothes on the floor that hadn't made it to the laundry room yet, so the maintenance men had to step over said pile of dirty clothes to fix the leak and re-grout my tub, something I am very thankful for. And, if the maintenance men had been curious, that discovered that, yes, indeed I do wear Christmas underwear in February. What of it?

I felt no small amount of embarrassment when I came home last night and saw the note they left on my kitchen table informing me of the routine work they had completed in my apartment. Nevertheless, I felt compelled to apologize to the poor men who had to bear witness to my messy place. If I were them, I would have called the police and reported me missing. It seriously looks like I have been robbed and kidnapped. So, you must be wondering, Mal, did you clean your apartment today so something like this doesn't happen again? And, yes, while I considered the possibility that this could, someday, happen again, I realized it won't happen for three more months when they come to change the filter again, so I think I'm good until May.

TiVo's latest mistake

My TiVo and I generally have a pretty good relationship. Sure, it randomly deletes shows I haven't specifically tagged "save until I delete" to record the CBS Evening News, but its mistakes are minimal compared to its overall model behavior. After all, it apparently knows I love Joshua Jackson and has recorded every rerun of Dawson's Creek that has been on and all the Mighty Ducks movies. How can I ever be angry at something that knows the loveliness of JJ? And, it worked overtime to record every possible 25 Days of Christmas movie on ABC Family in December and the Make it or Break it marathon a couple of weeks ago. It deserves major kudos.

But hold your applause, folks. It recorded iCarly and Hannah Montana for me this week. WTF, TiVo? Have I ever thumbs-upped these shows? Have I ever expressed any interest in Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel? Yeah, I think not. However, it did get me to thinking about when I was a kid and ran out of books to read and the only thing left to do was watch Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel.

Remember Stick Stickly and his giant wheel of tv shows during the summer? I loved when there were 3 episodes of Salute Your Shorts in a row. I seriously loved that show. LOVED IT! Whatever happened to Donkey Lips? Anyone know? (I do remember his doppelganger was a classmate of mine at Drake, who often sat next to annoying question boy...)

And Hey Dude! Loved it! LOVED IT! I really wanted to learn how to ride after watching that show. And I'm pretty sure the reason I wanted to be a lifeguard was because of Melody. Anyone know whatever happened to Brad and Danny?

Karma Police

I heard this Radiohead song on the radio last night as I was driving home from class. I rarely listen to the radio anymore because it mostly sucks, but I couldn't find my iPod and tuned to Lightning 100, my fave Nashville station that plays local bands and Jack Johnson and Bob Dylan and Snow Patrol. So fun! Anyway, I heard Karma Police, which I'm pretty sure came out like 15 years ago and I probably haven't heard it in 10 years. I forgot how much I love it and it got me thinking...

1) I think Radiohead was on to something - there should be karma police officers. I know that true believers/practicers of this believe there is a higher power who governs over the good and bad deeds of its followers. I think deep down, I believe this, too. You know, good things happen to those who wait and all that. What I am proposing, however, is some kind of government agency that speeds along the karmic process. You know, like how Santa has elves helping him make all the toys and he sends special elves to the malls to hear little kids' wishes. I'm just thinking that the karma gods should have officers of the law down here on earth to enforce the rules. I don't have all the logistics figured out just yet, it's still in an embryonic stage, but I think this has the potential to be huge. HUGE!

2) I remember an episode of Road Rules in which they played this song. It was way before they started voting people off and it got all nasty and incestuous. I think it was the season with Dan and Noah and Tara and Jon and one other girl whose name I can't remember. That was my favorite season, for sure. I wish they still had the good old fashioned RR and not these disgusting challenges. It used to be a show about diverse people coming together to bond for a couple of months in an RV and partaking in challenges that forced them to overcome their worst fears. There was some hooking up - not a ton, but I do remember Dan and Tara (I think) hooking up this season. Now it's just about catfighting and making money and bitch-slapping and trash-talking. Grr...

3) Also, whatever happened to Radiohead?